THEORIES
THAT INCREASE FRIENDSHIP
1.
THEORY
OF FRIENDSHIP-
Description
Factors which increase the chance of making friends
include:
Similarity: How much we have in common with them
(‘birds of a feather’). Similar friends provide social validation for our
beliefs, characteristics, etc. In practice, opposites seldom attract.
Proximity: The Propinquity Effect leads us to like
most people we see often.
Reciprocity: We like people who like us and dislike
those who dislike us.
Beauty: Physical attraction counts, although how it
is defined varies around the world.
Competence: We like people who are competent (but
they should not be too perfect).
Example
Think about your friends. How many have the above
characteristics? What about people who you see to whom you feel immediate
attraction?
So
what?
Using it
To win trust, build friendship.
Defending
Your friends are not always your friends. Trust
based on long evidence.
2.
Ben Franklin Effect-Jecker and
Landy (1969)
Description
When we do a person a favor, we tend to like them more as a
result. This is because we justify our actions to ourselves that we did them a
favor because we liked them.
Benjamin Franklin himself said, "He that has once done you a
kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have
obliged."
The reverse effect is also true, and we come to hate our victims,
which helps to explain wartime atrocities. We de-humanize the enemy, which
decrease the dissonance of killing and other things in which we would never normally
indulge.
Research
Jecker
and Landy (1969) involved students in an intellectual contest where they could
win significant money. Afterwards:
- A: 1/3 were approached by the
researcher and asked to return money as he had been using his own funds
and was running short.
- B: 1/3 were approached by a
secretary and asked to return money as it was from the psychology
department and funds were low.
- C: 1/3 were not approached.
Then all
were surveyed to see how much they liked the researcher. Group B rated him lower
than Group C (so impersonal request for a favor decreases liking). Group A rated him higher than
group C (so personal request for a favor increases liking).
So
what?
Using it
Ask
people to do you a small favor. Don’t return it immediately.
Defending
When
people ask you for favors, watch out for feeling better about them.
STAGES OF FRIENDSHIP
1. SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY- Altman and Taylor
(1987)
Description
As
relationships develop, they penetrate deeper and deeper into private and personal matters. This
exposes vulnerabilities, so trust has to be developed along the way.
Penetration
goes through a number of stages.
1.
Orientation stage.
Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s
like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of
appropriateness.
2.
Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about
moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole
truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling
our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships
do not go past this stage.
3.
Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters.
We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be
intimate touching and kissing at this stage.
4.
Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau
in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional
reactions of the other person.
5.
Depenetration. When
the relationship starts to break down and costs exceed benefits, then there is
a withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship.
Example
This can
be seen in conversations at parties, as strangers steadily chat each other
up.
So
what?
Using
it
In building a relationship,
notice the stages and do not try to hurry things too much. For example do not
get too intimate in your touching when the other person is still reticent.
Defending
Know how far and how fast you
want to go in a relationship. Do not let the other person hurry or push you.
2.
STAGE
THEORY-Levinger (1976)
Description
Stage theories in general describe how we go through distinct
stages as we develop. Thus, rather than gradually changing, we typically make
sudden shifts to different plateaus of perception and behavior. This may be
associated with 'aha's of sudden understanding.
Levinger's
Relationship Stage Theory
Relationships go through a series of stages as they mature.
Levinger's model has ABCDE stages.
A = Acquaintance/attraction. We meet other people and feel
an initial attraction, often based on physical beauty and similarity.
B = Build-up. We become increasingly interdependent as
we reveal more and more about our private selves. We get irritated by one
another, but the more pleasant aspects may well keep the relationship going.
C = Continuation/consolidation. Longer-term
commitments are made, such as marriage. The partnership enters what may be a
life-long stable relationship.
D = Deterioration. Many relationships decay, due
to several factors. These include relative effort, rewards, barriers to exit
(such as marriage and social obligation) and the availability of alternatives.
E = Ending. The relationship ends when partners agree
to separate or one leaves.
Example
Compare the above list with your relationships. There is a good
chance many will fit closely.
So what?
Using it
Understand the stage of the relationships you are in. If you want
to sustain them, act to prevent deterioration. If you want to end them, get
through the deterioration as soon as possible!
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