Tuesday, September 3, 2013

FRIENDSHIP THEORIES

THEORIES THAT INCREASE FRIENDSHIP

1.   THEORY OF FRIENDSHIP-
Description
Factors which increase the chance of making friends include:
Similarity: How much we have in common with them (‘birds of a feather’). Similar friends provide social validation for our beliefs, characteristics, etc. In practice, opposites seldom attract.
Proximity: The Propinquity Effect leads us to like most people we see often.
Reciprocity: We like people who like us and dislike those who dislike us.
Beauty: Physical attraction counts, although how it is defined varies around the world.
Competence: We like people who are competent (but they should not be too perfect).
Example
Think about your friends. How many have the above characteristics? What about people who you see to whom you feel immediate attraction?
So what?
Using it
To win trust, build friendship.
Defending
Your friends are not always your friends. Trust based on long evidence.

2.   Ben Franklin Effect-Jecker and Landy (1969)

Description

When we do a person a favor, we tend to like them more as a result. This is because we justify our actions to ourselves that we did them a favor because we liked them.
Benjamin Franklin himself said, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged."
The reverse effect is also true, and we come to hate our victims, which helps to explain wartime atrocities. We de-humanize the enemy, which decrease the dissonance of killing and other things in which we would never normally indulge.

Research

Jecker and Landy (1969) involved students in an intellectual contest where they could win significant money. Afterwards:
  • A: 1/3 were approached by the researcher and asked to return money as he had been using his own funds and was running short.
  • B: 1/3 were approached by a secretary and asked to return money as it was from the psychology department and funds were low.
  • C: 1/3 were not approached.
Then all were surveyed to see how much they liked the researcher. Group B rated him lower than Group C (so impersonal request for a favor decreases liking). Group A rated him higher than group C (so personal request for a favor increases liking).

So what?

Using it

Ask people to do you a small favor. Don’t return it immediately.

Defending

When people ask you for favors, watch out for feeling better about them.


STAGES OF FRIENDSHIP

1. SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY- Altman and Taylor (1987)

Description

As relationships develop, they penetrate deeper and deeper into private and personal matters. This exposes vulnerabilities, so trust has to be developed along the way. 
Penetration goes through a number of stages.
1. Orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness.
2. Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.
3. Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.
4. Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.
5. Depenetration. When the relationship starts to break down and costs exceed benefits, then there is a withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship.

Example

This can be seen in conversations at parties, as strangers steadily chat each other up. 

So what?

Using it

In building a relationship, notice the stages and do not try to hurry things too much. For example do not get too intimate in your touching when the other person is still reticent.

Defending

Know how far and how fast you want to go in a relationship. Do not let the other person hurry or push you.

2.   STAGE THEORY-Levinger (1976)

 Description

Stage theories in general describe how we go through distinct stages as we develop. Thus, rather than gradually changing, we typically make sudden shifts to different plateaus of perception and behavior. This may be associated with 'aha's of sudden understanding.

Levinger's Relationship Stage Theory

Relationships go through a series of stages as they mature. Levinger's model has ABCDE stages.
A = Acquaintance/attraction. We meet other people and feel an initial attraction, often based on physical beauty and similarity.
B = Build-up. We become increasingly interdependent as we reveal more and more about our private selves. We get irritated by one another, but the more pleasant aspects may well keep the relationship going.
C = Continuation/consolidation. Longer-term commitments are made, such as marriage. The partnership enters what may be a life-long stable relationship.
D = Deterioration. Many relationships decay, due to several factors. These include relative effort, rewards, barriers to exit (such as marriage and social obligation) and the availability of alternatives.
E = Ending. The relationship ends when partners agree to separate or one leaves.

Example

Compare the above list with your relationships. There is a good chance many will fit closely. 

So what?

Using it

Understand the stage of the relationships you are in. If you want to sustain them, act to prevent deterioration. If you want to end them, get through the deterioration as soon as possible!

http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/

No comments:

Post a Comment