Everybody needs friends. You can feel very sad and lonely if you
don't have someone to play with and be with - it
happens to everybody sometimes. Here are some ideas to help you in
making friends and keeping friends. Having
friends is also
about how to be a
friend and how
to be a friend to yourself!
Did you know?
You can be your own best friend.
Sounds weird?
Think about it.
Who are you with all the time? Yourself.
So, take some time to really get to know yourself.
Start by asking yourself some questions.
Who am I?
·
Am I a friendly person?
·
Am I a positive person who looks forward to each day?
·
Am I a good listener?
·
What am I good at?
·
What do I like to do in my spare time?
·
What do I like about my looks?
·
Do I like myself?
You will have times when you mess up or feel ashamed about
things you may have said or done, but you're still OK as a person - believe it
or not that happens to everyone, even parents and teachers!
If you are feeling sad and can't seem to find things that you
like about yourself, here is something you can do.
If you like yourself, others
will probably like you too.
If someone doesn't like you don't worry - you can't expect
everyone to like you. After all, you don't like everyone either, do you?
You can show what a nice person you are by always being pleasant
and good mannered - even to people you don't like.
What is friendship?
·
Spending
time together.
·
Sharing ideas and treats.
·
Having fun.
·
Respecting each other's differences.
·
Loyalty, sticking up for each other.
·
Caring for each other's safety and wellbeing.
·
Both of you working on the skills to keep your friendship going.
Friendship skills
How to be a friend!
Always
·
Talk - be interesting, keep up with what's going on around you, eg
TV, sports, music, shared interests - so that you have something to talk about.
·
Share the
conversation, so that you each get a chance to be listeners and talkers.
·
Listen to what
your friends are saying and ask questions about it.
·
Praise your
friends when they do something well.
·
Use your manners - say
please and thank you. Friends like to be pleasant to each other.
·
Think of yourself as being a friendly person, look friendly and be friendly - and
others will find you friendly.
·
Be helpful - do
things for your friends without keeping a score on who's done the most favours.
·
Give back things
you have used or borrowed from each other (this is a good idea for brothers and
sisters, too).
·
Be
aware of others' feelings - think before you speak. (Sometimes it is a good idea to keep
your thoughts to yourself rather than upset people's feelings.)
·
Handle conflict - by
being clear about what you want and how you will compromise.
·
Share your time with
other friends.
·
Be honest about
your feelings, eg. "I don't think this is a good idea because…" But
don't always try to be the leader - try out other people's ideas.
·
Try to understand people
by thinking about things from their point of view.
·
Don't argue and get
upset if your friend doesn't agree with you about something. That's O.K. She
has the right to an opinion too.
Things you should try not to do:
·
Don't brag about
what you've got or done.
·
No put downs - you
wouldn't like it if someone did this to you.
·
No prejudice - don't
make comments about country, colour, religion or physical appearance. "If
you can't find anything nice to say about someone, say nothing," is a good
motto for everybody.
·
Don't take over - let others tell their own jokes and news.
·
Don't fight your
friends' battles. You can support your friends by helping them to deal with
their problems:
o Be a
good listener
o Help
them to stay safe.
o Encourage
them to try.
o Be
there when they need you to be.
o Help
them to make good choices.
o Encourage
them to look for help from trusted adults.
·
Don't talk about them without
their permission.
You are a unique (only one like you) person with lots of different sides to your character, so you can have different friends who share your different interests, eg friends at school, in your street, in sport clubs, at church, in your family, etc.
It's good to have a best friend but it's good to have other
friends too.
What makes a good friend?
·
Having equal shares, not one always the leader and the other
following.
·
Having lots of fun together (if not, you'd better look for
another friend!)
·
Both of you working at keeping the friendship.Giving each other
some space.
·
Even best friends need some time to be alone or with other
friends, so don't try to 'own' each other.
·
Respecting each other's differences.
·
Feeling safe talking to each other about your feelings and
problems.
·
Trusting each other and looking out for each other.
Being 'popular', and
having real friends, is not always the same thing.
Most adults would think themselves really lucky to have one true
friend - someone they can trust and rely on for their help and support when
they need it. Real friendship lasts through good times and bad times.
Remember: Good friends can play with other people sometimes and still be
friends.
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