FRIENDSHIP IN EARLY CHILDHOOD

Human beings are social beings. Responsiveness is built in; we come into the world programmed to respond and relate to others. During early childhood, the main ingredients in forming friendships are opportunity and similarity. To become friends, children need to be available to each other for play and other activities. Children become good friends when they spend a lot of time playing together, sharing toys, and enjoying the same games and activities. Friendships are more likely to form when children are similar in characteristics such as age, gender, race, attitudes, beliefs, or even play styles. Children who are neighbors, relatives, or schoolmates spend more time with each other and therefore have more opportunities to form friendships. The friendships children have with each other are different than those they have with parents and relatives. Family relationships provide an ease, a closeness, a deep sense of intimacy. But they don't substitute for other relationships. Starting young and continuing through adulthood, friendships are among the most important activities of life.

Friendships are important in helping children develop emotionally and socially. They provide a training ground for trying out different ways of relating to others. Through interacting with friends, children learn the give and take of social behavior in general. They learn how to set up rules, how to weigh alternatives and make decisions when faced with tough situations. They understand  negative feelings such as , fear, anger, aggression and rejection. They learn how to win, how to lose, what's right and what's not. They learn about social standing and power - who's in, who's out, how to lead and how to follow, what's fair and what's not. They learn that different people and different situations call for different behaviors and they come to understand the viewpoints of other people. Friends provide companionship and stimulation for each other, and they find out who they are by comparing themselves to other children - who's bigger, faster, who can add better, who can catch better. They learn that they're both similar to and different from others. Through friendships and belonging to a group, children improve their sense of self-esteem. The solace and support of friends help children cope with troubling times and through changing times - moving up to a new school, entering adolescence, dealing with family stresses, facing disappointments.

Friendships are not just a luxury; they are a necessity for healthy psychological development. Research shows that children with friends have a greater sense of well-being, better self-esteem and fewer social problems as adults than individuals without friends. On the other hand, children with friendship problems are more likely than other children to feel lonely, to be victimized by peers, to have problems adjusting to school, and to engage in deviant behaviors.

citations: http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/do_kids_need_friends

http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/early-childhood/about-social-development/about-friendships/supporting-children-develop-friendships

http://www.education.com/reference/article/friendships-preschool-childhood-years/

FRIENDSHIP IN MIDDLE CHILDHOOD

As children become more mature physically, cognitively, and emotionally, their social relationships with family and peers also mature and change. During middle childhood, peer friendships take on a more prominent role than ever before. Peer relationships can include friends at school, friends in the neighborhood, teammates or other co-participants in activities like Boy or Girl Scouts, and near-age siblings. During this middle developmental period, as communication and cognitive skills continue to improve, children develop increased interpersonal awareness. As a result, they become better at reading and responding to other kids' emotions, and understanding other kids' intentions and needs; why they behave in specific ways at specific times. These social skills lay the foundation for the formation of closer friendships

During middle childhood, kids become more competent and confident. Parents begin to place trust in the child, allowing him to take on daily tasks such as selecting his own clothes and making his own breakfast. Family friendships are still vital, but children are far less clingy at this age. While cognitive growth also plays an important role in this progression, a great deal of social and emotional growth also occurs during middle childhood. As children start school, their social world becomes much larger. Where most of their previous social interactions were primarily with family, the introduction of school opens up a whole new world of relationships with other people. This offers kids a much richer and deeper pool of social experiences with both familiar and unfamiliar people.

Friendships become increasingly important throughout the middle school years. While kids obviously still depend upon their parents and enjoy spending time with siblings, they also become more interested in building relationships with other people outside the family unit. Learning how to make and maintain friendships is an important part of the developmental process during this time. Few things can make a parent's heart ache more than to watch your child struggle to find friends or grapple with social rejection or even bullying behaviors from other kids. Fortunately, there are things that parents can do to ensure that their child is gaining the social competence that they need to succeed in school and later in life.

HOW ADULTS CAN ENSURE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS:

Healthy friendships are marked by cooperation, kindness, trust, and mutual respect. So what should parents do if their child seems to be in an unhealthy friendship? Remembering that all friendships have their ups and downs can be helpful. The occasional conflicts or arguments are not necessarily a sign that the relationship is destructive or unhealthy. If, however, the friendship becomes a source of stress or anxiety, then it's time to take action. Parents should start by talking to their child and encouraging him to share his feelings with the friend. Adults should also help children understand the importance of walking away from the situation, especially if the friend is being physically or emotionally hurtful. Finally, parents and other adults can try to establish some distance between the child and the friend. For example, a teacher might choose to seat kids who are having conflicts apart from each other.

citations: http://www.sevencounties.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=37689&cn=1272

http://psychology.about.com/od/early-child-development/a/social-emotional-development-in-middle-childhood.htm

FRIENDSHIP IN ADOLESCENCE

As children enter into adolescence, the nature of their peer relationships undergoes significant change as teens spend increasingly more time in the company of their same-age friends. Adolescent friendships then gradually deepen in terms of levels of commitment, intimacy, and acceptance of differences among friends. Functioning in these evolving friendships has been linked with both negative outcomes ranging from depression to deviance and positive outcomes including pro social behavior and academic achievement. Adolescents like younger children, tend to choose friends who are like them and friends influence each other to become even more alike.

Friends are not necessarily of the same race or ethnicity. Friends do tend to have similar academic attitudes and performances and have similar status within the peer group. Since many characteristics that make children or adolescents attractive or unattractive to peers are genetically influenced, its not surprising that genes seem to play a part in choice of friends and may help explain why tend to have similar qualities. The choice of antisocial peers is mainly affected by environmental factors.

The intensity and importance of friendships as well as time spent with friends are probably greater in adolescence than at any other time in the life span. Friendships become more reciprocal. Early adolescents tend to rely more on friends than on parents for intimacy and support, and they share confidences more than younger friends. A stress on intimacy, loyalty and sharing marks a transition to adult like friendships. Intimacy with same sex friends increase during early to middle adolescence, after which it typically declines as intimacy with the other sex grows.

Adolescents’ perceptions of their close relationships also change with development, and this change in friendship views might also be expected to vary as a function of ego development level. Ego development is concurrently related to more secure states of mind with respect to attachment, and individuals who acquire higher levels of ego development report higher levels of interpersonal understanding and disclo

 The increased intimacy of adolescent friendship reflects cognitive as well as emotional development. Adolescents are now better able to express their private thoughts and feelings. They also can more readily consider another person’s point of view, and so it is easier for them to understand a friend’s thoughts and feelings. Confiding in a friend helps young people explore their own feelings, define their identity and validate their self worth. Friendship provides a safe place to venture opinions, admit weaknesses, and get help with problems.

The capacity of intimacy is related to psycho social development and social competence. Those who have close, stable, supportive friendships generally have a high opinion of themselves,  do well in school, are sociable, and are unlikely to be hostile, anxious or depressed. Shared confidences and emotional support seem to be more vital to female friendships than to male friendships. Boys focus less on conversations than on shared activity, usually sports and competitive games. Girls feel better telling a friend about an upsetting experience than boys do. Boys may express support by just spending time doing things together. Boys tend to gain self-esteem from competing with friends, and girls from helping them.

FRIENDSHIP IN EARLY ADULTHOOD

The old saying “Birds of a feather flock together” appears to hold some truth when it comes to viewing friendship among young adults. For example, the popular TV series Friends portrays how the six main characters share the same ethnicity, enjoy related activities and have similar levels of social skills. Commonality to an extent, is what fortifies friendships.                                         

Young adults value friendships to a large degree. This phase in life, when one has completed the transition from an adolescent to an adult, involves an increase in responsibilities. Yet, even with the burden of going to college, work, and starting a family, young adults consider maintaining friendships to be of importance. The quality and characteristics of friendships vary greatly. Friends may be emotionally intimate, or frequently have conflicts with each other. They can share a single interest, such as playing tennis, or have many shared interests and ways of thinking. Married couples may have a great number of friends, yet single adults rely more on friendship to fulfill their social needs. It is evident that those who have close friends show a greater sense of well being.                          

According to Robert Sternberg, friendship is characterized by intimacy, and not passion or commitment. Hence, one can feel close to another person, without feeling passionate arousal and permanence. Emotional intimacy may grow even greater than what existed during adolescence.

  Can men and women be just friends? At this juncture, adults have friends of both sexes. Yet, adults tend to prefer same sex friendships throughout their lives. They tend to have a larger number of friends of the same gender. Many friendships between men and women may not continue after college, or one friend gets married. Similar to earlier stages in life, women tend to confide more in each other, and talk about their feelings. Men are more inclined to participate in common activities and compete with each other, rather than confide in each other. Friendship between men and women are often intimate and men are likely to seek friendship with women whom they are attracted to. Around half of the students in colleges report romantic involvement with friends of the opposite sex.

Why are friendships so important to young adults? One reason is because it supports one’s development of identity, by providing opportunities for discussion on various topics and beliefs. It also helps people to put themselves in another’s shoes, and think through issues critically. Studies have shown that those who have many close friendships tend to be healthier and live longer than their socially isolated counterparts. The recipe for friendship is trust, respect and mutual understanding, and is guaranteed to create a bond that lasts a lifetime.

FRIENDSHIPS IN MIDDLE ADULTHOOD

In midlife, generally defined as the period between young adulthood and old age, friendships provide affection, companionship, understanding, and social support and therefore contribute to well-being. Friends can also affect the status, power, wealth, attitudes, behaviors, and values of middle-aged people. In addition to these consequences for individuals, midlife friendship patterns can affect society, such as by reinforcing the class structure and upholding the institution of marriage. Friendship is thus an important type of human relationship during this stage of life. This entry synthesizes what is known about the interactive processes exchanged between friends during midlife, the internal structure of midlife friendships, and how these friendships vary across contexts and individual demographic characteristics.

Although some people may remain friends for life; in actuality, there is a shifting process in friendship formations that we go through during adult life. Social address theories of adult friendship formation stipulate that friendship maintenance is easiest when two adults are at the same “developmental social address.” For example, two adults who are both married and have small children are more likely to forge relationships and maintain a friendship than an adult with children and a single, childless adult. Likewise, a friendship may be strained if one adult changes a developmental address (gets married) and another does not (stays single).

As compared with younger people, many middle aged people have less time and energy to devote to friends. They are too busy with family and work and with building up security for retirement. Still friendships do exist and are a strong source of emotional support and wellbeing, especially for women. Friendships often revolve around work and parenting. The quality of midlife friendships often makes up for what they lack in quantity of time spent. Especially during a crisis, such as a divorce, adults turn to friends for emotional support, practice guidance, comfort and talk. Middle-aged adults place value on the friends they do have. Their friends tend to mirror them in interests, activities and years of mutual experiences. Adults in middle adulthood tend to have a lower number of friends.

FRIENDSHIP IN LATE ADULTHOOD

"Study is the bane of childhood, the oil of youth, the indulgence of adulthood, and a restorative in old age"

There are several aspects of life that change as a person grows old. This write up explores few theories that explain ageing as well as affect ageing either directly or indirectly and the importance of friendships in late adulthood.

Ageism

~Prejudice against a person because of their age
OLDER ADULTS
~cultural emphasis on growth strength and progress
~respect for the youth
~increasing age segregation

Cellular clock theory

-Leonard Hayflick's (1977) theory that cells can divide a maximum of about 75 to 80 times and that, as we age, our cells become less capable of dividing.

Free-radical theory

- people age because when cells metabolize energy, the by-products include unstable oxygen molecules known as free radicals . The free radicals ricochet around the cells, damaging DNA and other cellular structures (Afanas'ev, 2009). The damage can lead to a range of disorders, including cancer and arthritis

What is activity theory?

The more active a person is throughout the corse of their life is directly related to the happiness felt in late adulthood--positive reflection (integrity)

How do the five senses changes in late adulthood?

Vision- visual acuity, color recognition, depth perception decline
~cataracts: thickening of lens
~Glaucoma: optic nerve damage
~Macular degeneration: deterioration of the retina
Hearing- degeneration of cochlea
smell and taste- loss of some ability
touch and pain- only minor change

What is Erikson's final stage of psychosocial development? Integrity vs Despair: realizing death is close people reflect and review upon their life I) -satisfaction: piecing together a positive review D)- Realizing one's life was not well spent, reflection is negative. characterized by isolation in early adulthood being unable to create meaningful relationships What is socio-emotional selectivity theory? More selective about contacts -maintaining close relationships with those who directly maximize their joy Withdrawal from certain social contact -cutting ties with people who don't maximize happiness or cause negativity Isolation does not equal despair -Done only to maximize happiness

What are marriages like in late adulthood?

~people who are still married have happier lives, being less stressful adding to positive health consequences

Social consequences of divorce

Weaken kinship ties when it occurs in later life, especially in the case of older men

What is the main reason older adults choose to cohabit?

~Companionship is the main reason why the number of Cohabiting older adults chose to live together
~followed closely by financial reasons- cost of living is less

What are benefits of friendship in late adulthood?

~having a group of close friends in late adulthood helps to lower mortality rates, and symptoms of disease
~less likely to go to a assisted living

What are the two other components of successful aging?

1.)    Productivity
-contribution to social network
-willingness to take on complex challenges
~New pursuits

2.)Life satisfaction
~sense of personal well being
~Perception is important
~Social comparisons

citations: 
http://quizlet.com/8560893/psych-late-adulthood-flash-cards/

http://rcgates.com/psyc/c24_pv.html

http://www.searchquotes.com/search/Late_Adulthood/

TRY AND BE A GOOD FRIEND-THIS WILL HELP YOU!

Everybody needs friends. You can feel very sad and lonely if you don't have someone to play with and be with - it happens to everybody sometimes.  Here are some ideas to help you in making friends and keeping friends. Having friends is also about how to be a friend and how to be a friend to yourself!

Did you know?

You can be your own best friend.

Sounds weird?

Think about it.

Who are you with all the time? Yourself.

So, take some time to really get to know yourself.

Start by asking yourself some questions.

Who am I?

·         Am I a friendly person?

·         Am I a positive person who looks forward to each day?

·         Am I a good listener?

·         What am I good at?

·         What do I like to do in my spare time?

·         What do I like about my looks?

·         Do I like myself?

You will have times when you mess up or feel ashamed about things you may have said or done, but you're still OK as a person - believe it or not that happens to everyone, even parents and teachers!

If you are feeling sad and can't seem to find things that you like about yourself, here is something you can do.

If you like yourself, others will probably like you too.

If someone doesn't like you don't worry - you can't expect everyone to like you. After all, you don't like everyone either, do you?

You can show what a nice person you are by always being pleasant and good mannered - even to people you don't like.

What is friendship?

·         Spending time together.

·         Sharing ideas and treats.

·         Having fun.

·         Respecting each other's differences.

·         Loyalty, sticking up for each other.

·         Caring for each other's safety and wellbeing.

·         Both of you working on the skills to keep your friendship going.

Friendship skills

How to be a friend!

Always

·         Talk - be interesting, keep up with what's going on around you, eg TV, sports, music, shared interests - so that you have something to talk about.

·         Share the conversation, so that you each get a chance to be listeners and talkers.

·         Listen to what your friends are saying and ask questions about it.

·         Praise your friends when they do something well.

·         Use your manners - say please and thank you. Friends like to be pleasant to each other.

·         Think of yourself as being a friendly person, look friendly and be friendly - and others will find you friendly.

·         Be helpful - do things for your friends without keeping a score on who's done the most favours. 

·         Give back things you have used or borrowed from each other (this is a good idea for brothers and sisters, too).

·         Be aware of others' feelings - think before you speak. (Sometimes it is a good idea to keep your thoughts to yourself rather than upset people's feelings.)

·         Handle conflict - by being clear about what you want and how you will compromise.

·         Share your time with other friends.

·         Be honest about your feelings, eg. "I don't think this is a good idea because…" But don't always try to be the leader - try out other people's ideas.

·         Try to understand people by thinking about things from their point of view.

·         Don't argue and get upset if your friend doesn't agree with you about something. That's O.K. She has the right to an opinion too.

Things you should try not to do:

·         Don't brag about what you've got or done.

·         No put downs - you wouldn't like it if someone did this to you.

·         No prejudice - don't make comments about country, colour, religion or physical appearance. "If you can't find anything nice to say about someone, say nothing," is a good motto for everybody.

·         Don't take over - let others tell their own jokes and news.

·         Don't fight your friends' battles. You can support your friends by helping them to deal with their problems:

o    Be a good listener

o    Help them to stay safe.

o    Encourage them to try.

o    Be there when they need you to be.

o    Help them to make good choices.

o    Encourage them to look for help from trusted adults.

·         Don't talk about them without their permission.

You are a unique (only one like you) person with lots of different sides to your character, so you can have different friends who share your different interests, eg friends at school, in your street, in sport clubs, at church, in your family, etc.

It's good to have a best friend but it's good to have other friends too.

What makes a good friend?

·         Having equal shares, not one always the leader and the other following.

·         Having lots of fun together (if not, you'd better look for another friend!)

·         Both of you working at keeping the friendship.Giving each other some space.

·         Even best friends need some time to be alone or with other friends, so don't try to 'own' each other.

·         Respecting each other's differences.

·         Feeling safe talking to each other about your feelings and problems.

·         Trusting each other and looking out for each other.

Being 'popular', and having real friends, is not always the same thing.

Most adults would think themselves really lucky to have one true friend - someone they can trust and rely on for their help and support when they need it. Real friendship lasts through good times and bad times.

Remember: Good friends can play with other people sometimes and still be friends.

WHAT KIND OF A FRIEND ARE YOU? FIND OUT!

1. Some friends in your group are making fun of

your bestfriend’s new braces. You

a. join in

b. say nothing

c. tell them they’re justjealous of the pretty teeth she’s going

to have and then walk away

2. You really wanted to be editor of the yearbook, but your

best friend is chosen instead. You

a. congratulate her and are genuinely happy for her

b. say ”whatever” and try for a spot on the school paper

c. accuse her of sabotaging your career goals and ­nd another

best friend

3. You tell your best friend you’re getting a new dog and

you’re going to name her Sparkles. Nextthing you know, she’s

got a new dog named Sparkles! You

a. yell at her for copying you and tell her to ­nd a new friend

b. go ahead and name your dog Sparkles – besides, your dog

is cuter!

c. choose another name for your dog and teach her to attack

your former best friend’s dog (kidding!)

4. You’re home sick with the ­u. Your best friend never calls

or stops by to see how you’re doing. So when she comes down

with the ­u, you

a. decide to be a kinder, gentler best friend and bring her a

get-well care package

b. don’t call. Two can play this game.

c. call her, then vividly describe the symptomsstill to come!

5. You and Suzie made plans to go to the mall. Then Brianna

calls and invites you to go skiing. You love skiing! You

a. tell Suzie about Bri’s invite and ask if it’d be all right ifthe

two of you went to the mall the next day (since you don’t get to

go skiing that often)

b. politely thank Brianna for the invite buttell her you already

have plans

c. tell Brianna, “Yes! I’ll be ready in 10,”then call Suzie with

a made-up story about not feeling well

6. You and some friends are planning a skating party at

the local rink. You really don’t wantto invite your friend Alex

because she’s so bad at skating, it’s embarrassing.

After thinking about it, you

a. invite her. After all, she’s only going to embarrass herself.

b. don’t invite her. Hey, you’re saving her from embarrassment!

c. invite her, then schedule some practice time before hand to

help her out

7. Your friend borrows one of your favorite shirts. When she

returns it, she thanks you, but doesn’t mention the big stain on

the front of it. You

a.scream at her for ruining your favorite shirt, then demand

that she pay you in full for it

b. ask her calmly what happened; maybe there’s a good

explanation.

c. don’tsay anything, but vow to borrow one of her fave items

in the future and ruin it!

ANSWERS:

   a=1;b=2;c=3. 2) a=3; b=2;c=1. 3)a=1; b=3;c=2. 4)a=3;b=2;c=1. 5)a=2;b=3;c=1.6)  a=2;b=1;c=3.           a=2;b=3;c=1.

18-21 points: Great friend

10-17 points: Fairly good friend

7-10 points: Fair weather friend

FRIENDSHIP THEORIES

THEORIES THAT INCREASE FRIENDSHIP

1.   THEORY OF FRIENDSHIP-

Description

Factors which increase the chance of making friends include:

Similarity: How much we have in common with them (‘birds of a feather’). Similar friends provide social validation for our beliefs, characteristics, etc. In practice, opposites seldom attract.

Proximity: The Propinquity Effect leads us to like most people we see often.

Reciprocity: We like people who like us and dislike those who dislike us.

Beauty: Physical attraction counts, although how it is defined varies around the world.

Competence: We like people who are competent (but they should not be too perfect).

Example

Think about your friends. How many have the above characteristics? What about people who you see to whom you feel immediate attraction?

So what?

Using it

To win trust, build friendship.

Defending

Your friends are not always your friends. Trust based on long evidence.

2.   Ben Franklin Effect-Jecker and Landy (1969)

Description

When we do a person a favor, we tend to like them more as a result. This is because we justify our actions to ourselves that we did them a favor because we liked them.

Benjamin Franklin himself said, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged."

The reverse effect is also true, and we come to hate our victims, which helps to explain wartime atrocities. We de-humanize the enemy, which decrease the dissonance of killing and other things in which we would never normally indulge.

Research

Jecker and Landy (1969) involved students in an intellectual contest where they could win significant money. Afterwards:

• A: 1/3 were approached by the researcher and asked to return money as he had been using his own funds and was running short.
• B: 1/3 were approached by a secretary and asked to return money as it was from the psychology department and funds were low.
• C: 1/3 were not approached.

Then all were surveyed to see how much they liked the researcher. Group B rated him lower than Group C (so impersonal request for a favor decreases liking). Group A rated him higher than group C (so personal request for a favor increases liking).

So what?

Using it

Ask people to do you a small favor. Don’t return it immediately.

Defending

When people ask you for favors, watch out for feeling better about them.

STAGES OF FRIENDSHIP

1. SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY- Altman and Taylor (1987)

Description

As relationships develop, they penetrate deeper and deeper into private and personal matters. This exposes vulnerabilities, so trust has to be developed along the way. 

Penetration goes through a number of stages.

1. Orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness.

2. Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.

3. Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.

4. Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

5. Depenetration. When the relationship starts to break down and costs exceed benefits, then there is a withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship.

Example

This can be seen in conversations at parties, as strangers steadily chat each other up. 

So what?

Using it

In building a relationship, notice the stages and do not try to hurry things too much. For example do not get too intimate in your touching when the other person is still reticent.

Defending

Know how far and how fast you want to go in a relationship. Do not let the other person hurry or push you.

2.   STAGE THEORY-Levinger (1976)

 Description

Stage theories in general describe how we go through distinct stages as we develop. Thus, rather than gradually changing, we typically make sudden shifts to different plateaus of perception and behavior. This may be associated with 'aha's of sudden understanding.

Levinger's Relationship Stage Theory

Relationships go through a series of stages as they mature. Levinger's model has ABCDE stages.

A = Acquaintance/attraction. We meet other people and feel an initial attraction, often based on physical beauty and similarity.

B = Build-up. We become increasingly interdependent as we reveal more and more about our private selves. We get irritated by one another, but the more pleasant aspects may well keep the relationship going.

C = Continuation/consolidation. Longer-term commitments are made, such as marriage. The partnership enters what may be a life-long stable relationship.

D = Deterioration. Many relationships decay, due to several factors. These include relative effort, rewards, barriers to exit (such as marriage and social obligation) and the availability of alternatives.

E = Ending. The relationship ends when partners agree to separate or one leaves.

Example

Compare the above list with your relationships. There is a good chance many will fit closely. 

So what?

Using it

Understand the stage of the relationships you are in. If you want to sustain them, act to prevent deterioration. If you want to end them, get through the deterioration as soon as possible!

http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/